The Great Indian Wedding Planners

There comes a time in every Indian kid’s life when the entire universe’s psychological balance depends on you getting married. And by the entire universe, I mean every person you know who is older or more married than you.The majority of these people happen to be components of a marriage that can only be termed as a civil agreement of minimum interaction and a mutual approval to dis each other humorously. They come from the misguided benevolence school of thought: after you get married, they will try to convince you that having children on purpose is actually a good idea. They are worried that all the ‘good’ ones will be gone soon. They are also highly critical of any stray unmarried trash and live-in relationships and homosexuality fall way outside their bubble.
Another category are those who have such a high level of confidence that it makes you wonder why. They have got life all figured out, and will approach you with pro-marriage arguments like how it is about companionship, families getting together (as if your own family isn’t overwhelming enough) and how you won’t be able to adjust to having a partner around later in life. They will also find potential partners for you to mate with and believe that they are doing god’s work by finding you a person of the same religion, caste, economic class who reminds you a lot of several of your cousins.
Some of them are people your age who are ‘madly in love’, and thrust their relationship in the face of everyone in real and virtual life. They believe that, like them, the purpose of your life is to get a certificate from the state that assures a lifetime of sulk and sex from one single person. They come from the ‘we want social approval’ club, and are often too blinded by the idea of a wedding to realize it comes with a marriage.

As for simpletons like me, our understanding of a marriage is limited to ‘spending your life with someone because YOU want to’, we clearly missed the turning point in life where others said goodbye to rationality and embraced what people have been doing for years without knowing why. Your youth is when you can really get to know yourself prior to making a lifelong commitment. Or realising whether you want to do that. That is, before it gets banned for  provoking individuality and other social evils.

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7 thoughts on “The Great Indian Wedding Planners

  1. MUUUUAAAAH that is most amazing such an acerbic poignant piece, guess anguish brings out the best in you…..thanks for making my day…love you

  2. Nice one! Marriage should be entered into only if both sides really want it. The biggest decision of your life can’t and should not be made to satisfy others.

  3. 🙂 I think you’ve put your angst quite articulately. Completely agree with the last couple of lines in your piece. But frankly the journey of knowing oneself is never-ending. What you are as a daughter, or a sister or a niece is completely different to what you will be as a wife, or a mother. So marriage too is one way of knowing yourself. But then so is meditation, or anything else.

    I believe in the notion of getting married only when one is convinced about it and not under any kind of pressure. Even I’m stupefied at the kind of marriages some couples have – not talking or communicating at all or continuing with extremely unhappy marriages. But then, its an individual choice. But what goes for others may not be true for you. You should be open to the fact, and confident, that no matter who you marry, you will ensure that it is the most satisfying and comfortable relationship for you. Marriage is a gamble and to gamble, you need supreme confidence and risk-taking instincts.

    Best line: ” They believe that, like them, the purpose of your life is to get a certificate from the state that assures a lifetime of sulk and sex from one single person.”

  4. Tanika, this is a brilliant piece. Loved that line… “… and are often too blinded by the idea of a wedding to realize it comes with a marriage.”
    Hahahaha 🙂 If you have seen that already… well… that says something! 🙂 This is a wonderful thought-piece. 🙂

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