Where do bachelors live?

It’s fascinating how something as beloved as a male child turns into something so threatening to our society as an adult unmarried individual. More than having 24 hour electricity and water supply, a point of immense pride for the landlords is ‘no bachelors’. It seems to be a great achievement for landlords to have warded off the ominous presence of bachelors.
House rentals might be one of the few places where single women have it easier. Perhaps it’s because people think they may turn the house into a minor disaster area, having had no previous contact with chores, especially the ones related to the kitchen area. Perhaps it’s because they may turn the home into a drugs-alcohol-orgy sanctuary, because that’s what young people do. Besides, its much easier to judge and publicly shame the females. Maybe landlords are afraid bachelors may start a drug racket. Or worse, have a gay party. I mean, there are only that many gay parties the police can crash per night.
Being married seems to be the best quality that tenants can have. That makes sense, because proof of having gone through the several wedding ceremonies is a true mark of patience and tolerance. This is one of the reasons an organisation like ISIS cannot survive in India. All their members would give in to the Auntyji pressure group and get hitched.

Even though there are better ways to judge the character of a potential tenant (such as non-ironically retweeting Kamaal R Khan), we choose to pick bachelorhood as the guiding stone. But you can see how people may think bachelors are evil satanic beings. In fact, some of us only stopped judging Narendra Modi’s intentions after we found out about his secret wife. Him ignoring the existence of his wife made the common man identify with him more than any other politician.
It’s wonderful how our society has come up with a universal solution to all your problems: get married. Marriage may not solve anything, but at least you can pretend to laugh at the same husband-wife forwarded jokes like everyone else.

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The Great Indian Wedding Planners

There comes a time in every Indian kid’s life when the entire universe’s psychological balance depends on you getting married. And by the entire universe, I mean every person you know who is older or more married than you.The majority of these people happen to be components of a marriage that can only be termed as a civil agreement of minimum interaction and a mutual approval to dis each other humorously. They come from the misguided benevolence school of thought: after you get married, they will try to convince you that having children on purpose is actually a good idea. They are worried that all the ‘good’ ones will be gone soon. They are also highly critical of any stray unmarried trash and live-in relationships and homosexuality fall way outside their bubble.
Another category are those who have such a high level of confidence that it makes you wonder why. They have got life all figured out, and will approach you with pro-marriage arguments like how it is about companionship, families getting together (as if your own family isn’t overwhelming enough) and how you won’t be able to adjust to having a partner around later in life. They will also find potential partners for you to mate with and believe that they are doing god’s work by finding you a person of the same religion, caste, economic class who reminds you a lot of several of your cousins.
Some of them are people your age who are ‘madly in love’, and thrust their relationship in the face of everyone in real and virtual life. They believe that, like them, the purpose of your life is to get a certificate from the state that assures a lifetime of sulk and sex from one single person. They come from the ‘we want social approval’ club, and are often too blinded by the idea of a wedding to realize it comes with a marriage.

As for simpletons like me, our understanding of a marriage is limited to ‘spending your life with someone because YOU want to’, we clearly missed the turning point in life where others said goodbye to rationality and embraced what people have been doing for years without knowing why. Your youth is when you can really get to know yourself prior to making a lifelong commitment. Or realising whether you want to do that. That is, before it gets banned for  provoking individuality and other social evils.